You're half the man I am because I blew up a balloon

Published by Andrew 1 year ago on Fri, Nov 4, 2022 3:35 PM

We all have that one thing in our life that we aspire to be the best at. Many people look at (insert high search volume keyword here) and say, “Wow!, someday I will be good at that if I ever get out of jail in monopoly.” Personally, I have unlocked a passion for blowing up balloons during my work hours. When I blow up a balloon, I inflate it and my ego. Once one becomes a professional at their craft, the next logical step is to take on a bigger challenge. 

For me, this challenge was trying to blow up a balloon while inside another balloon. In theory, this does not appear to be a hard task, but make no mistake, I nearly passed out multiple times. This is due to some weird science and math stuff that basically means that the balloon inside the balloon is two times as hard to blow up as just one. Many of us struggle to walk up the stairs due to our bad lungs and many years of heavy smoking. Now imagine trying to exert a force of up to 2psi (PSI stands for PleaSe help, I want to leave) to blow up the balloon. 

I eventually overcame this immense struggle and had a balloon inside a balloon sitting on my desk at work. I was overjoyed for nearly an hour before I became unsatisfied with my life’s choices and work. I sat and thought harder than I did for my last differential equations test, and I came up with a really good idea to end poverty. I quickly forgot this idea and started on trying to add a third balloon to the process. This took a little extra effort than just 2 balloons. If we want to get technical, adding a third makes the first balloon 50% harder to blow up compared to only two. 

This new task took me a little over a week to fully understand and complete. Every day, I came close to passing out trying to get this to work. Finally, after what seemed like years of hard work, I did it. I cleared my name from all IRS tax evasion records and also got a balloon inside a balloon inside a balloon. This was nice, but my hunger for success was burning for more. I had to put more balloons inside more balloons. 

Within a week, I had completed the elusive four balloon milestone. Friends and family from as far as Janzow came to congratulate me. My arrogance shot through the roof and so did the pool stick that I threw when I accidentally put the eight ball in the left corner pocket. I did a few quick google searches to see how far I could go with this new talent of mine. Turns out there is a random guy who got up to eight balloons. This made me angry and I had a quick breakdown during my lunch break (they don’t give me lunch breaks, but I’m legally required to say that I do). I knew that the road to achieve more than this man ever had required a few things. I would need grit, integrity, at least nine balloons, and a bottle of baby powder. 

In this last week, I have been non stop working towards my new goal. I successfully completed the 5 balloon checkpoint. This is an accomplishment that not many people have ever dreamed of. I have because I took enough melatonin that my dreams are off the walls lately. If I keep up at this pace, I will probably be forty years old by the time I am thirty-six. Keep a lookout for further updates on this process and just know that If you don’t hear from me again it’s because I am now rich and famous from blowing up a balloon inside a balloon inside a balloon inside a balloon inside a balloon inside a balloon inside a balloon inside a balloon inside a balloon.