Communicating During the Pandemic - Part 1

It is day 68 of stay at home orders and you have been in the same home with the same people for days.  Communicating comes easy by now, right? You’ve figured out your parents, siblings, and friends and practiced saying exactly what you want to say and how to say it, leaving arguments and frustrations in the past….

Not!

Few to none would say that communication has improved during this time of COVID-19 and quarantines. In fact, conflict and arguments may have even increased as we struggle to manage our stress and find a healthy way to share it with others. This makes sense! You are not alone. It is not surprising that communication itself may be a current stressor, but there are ways to set yourself up for success to be heard and understood.  

According to research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman of The Gottman Institute, located in Seattle, dealing with external pressures and tension increases satisfaction and friendship between couples — we can apply this to family communication as well. When we create opportunities for our loved ones to have conversations that release burdens and encourage feeling understood versus escalating stress and tension, we build patterns of communicating that foster safety, trust, and friendship. Here are three de-stressing questions you can ask your loved ones, from The Gottman Institute:

• What do you feel?
• What do you need?
• How can we work together to meet your need in a healthy way?

As you try new ways of communicating with your family and friends, don’t forget to avoid giving advice or trying to “fix it”. People often need to simply feel like someone is actively listening in order to feel better. Over time, the practice of having conversations to relieve one another’s stress will become natural, increase positive interactions, and help you better communicate during the COVID-19 pandemic.  

Writer:  K. von Kampen, M.A., PLMHP